April is Autism Awareness Month, and for those who may not yet know, my oldest son Solomon is on what is known as the Autism Spectrum. The Spectrum includes things like classic autism, high functioning autism, Asperger's, Sensory Processing Disorder, ODD, Rhett Syndrome, and sometimes ADD and ADHD.
Now the bible of pyschology - the DSM-IV- has been "updated" to the DSM-V and no longer includes the term Asperger's Syndrome, but for all intents and purposes, that is still Solomon's diagnosis, along with ADHD, ODD, and possibly SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). As if that wasn't enough acronyms to swallow, he once had OCD in the mix as well.
Asperger's is a developmental disorder. It effects the way Solomon's brain processes information. It also effects his social awareness/communication, as well as his sense of coordination. This is not the same as just being a shy, nerdy or awkward person. Although he can come across as that. And while he is extremely intelligent, and many a genius has been thought to have Asperger's, he is not like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rain Man.
Because Solomon does not act like the often Hollywood portrayed definition of autism, this has often caused problems and confusion with others. Particular people who don't spend a lot of time with him on a normal basis. He does have "mild" Asperger's, and is on medication to help with the ADHD, anxiety and OCD, so people don't usually see him in a full-on episode either. Solomon has also gotten a great deal of help from working with social workers who specialize in developmental behavioral disorders. But anyone who spends any good amount of time with him can see that he is different.
So what's the problem? Well, for starters there are the comments that do get back to me, said mostly by people who see him a handful times of year at best. Comments like, "He doesn't seem that different.", or "I think he's just a normal child. He just needs more (fill in the blank with discipline, attention, etc.)" Oh, and there are my favorites, "There is nothing wrong with that child. They've just been pressured into a diagnosis by the school who just wants more money.", and "They want to put all children on drugs.". They being the evil school system of course. Now, I have my own issues with the school system and the over use child drug prescription, but that is a discussion for a different time.
Then there are those who are just genuinely trying to be helpful. While parents like us sincerely do appreciate other's support and concern, asking us if we've thought about trying fill-in-the-blank-again first, is kind of insulting and frustrating. Do you think that medicating my child was really the first and only thing I wanted to do? Despite popular ignorant opinions, what my child takes does not make him a zombie nor an obedient robot who all of a sudden listens to every command given. We do not medicate him simply because we don't want to deal with him. We have worked on his diet, and he also takes several natural supplements, but these have yet proven to be an effective replacement for his medication.
Asperger's is not something that Solomon will simply "grow out of", and it frustrates me when people say stuff like that. Not because I don't want my child to have a "normal" life, but because it's part of who he is and I love him as he is, quirks and all. Awareness isn't always about looking for a cure. We didn't seek a diagnosis to cure him of himself, but rather to understand him. This is not cancer. It's about learning and understanding. It's not that I don't think we should look into prevention and other forms of help for people who have it. I whole-heartedly support that. But finding a cause isn't going to help my Solomon, or the other tens of thousands who are on the Spectrum, right now. Understanding and loving him is what will help him. He will one day grow up. And hopefully one day he will start his own life as a man on his own. He will hopefully one day have a better understanding of people, and get better at controlling himself and his reactions. But even then - even if he acts "normal" enough to fool people - Asperger's will still be a part of him. Just like our own peculiuraties and idiosyncrasies are a part of us.
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If anyone has any questions about Asperger's or autism, please feel free to comment, message or call me. I may not have the answer, but hey, we can find out together. Mike and I are still learning all the time.
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