The Death Cycle

  My heart is heavy today. I am saddened by the cycle of death, war, and vengeful violence that is all around me. And I am frustrated. Baffled that so many can be blind to the fact that what we experience in our own lives, in our own countries, is no different from the pain that is felt in other countries, some of with which we are at war. (And still others who we have declared no war on, but yet know our presence.)

  Do not be fooled by our cultural, or even religious differences. We are one and the same. Which came first, the chicken or the egg, that we can argue until the cows come home, but we are here now, in the same boat together. (History shows the story is far more complicated than we have been lead to believe.) They attack, we attack back. We attack, they attack back. People get hurt and maimed, people get killed. Their loved ones see this and want nothing more than revenge. Generation after generation it keeps going. So many lives lost. So many families destroyed. 

  They don't like us because of our freedom, we are told. They don't agree with our religion or our way of life. They take great pains to make sure that their children know and understand who is the enemy. And their children grow up being suspicious of, or even hating, anyone who dresses, or looks, or talks like us. They fight, giving up their lives for what they believe is their righteous cause.

  We don't like them because of their lack of freedom. We condemn their seemingly uncivil and barbaric culture. Their religion is strange to us. We put much effort in making sure our children know and understand that they are the enemy, and that they make no mistake about it, we are at war. Our children grow up being suspicious of anyone with slightly colored skin, that dresses a certain way, or speaks a certain language. And we fight. Many have given up their lives for what we believe is a righteous cause. 

  We are together in this sense. We are all the same. We all live in fear of each other. And we are all being played. We are nothing more than puppets in politician's game. We fight for freedom - of whatever our plague may be - while those over us fight for power over whatever land it is that they want.

   But it is not enough to silently agree, then continue on with our lives. Even though we may not be at fault for starting this cycle, we still all stand guilty. The blood of their and our children both will be on our heads, until we say, "Enough!" and tell the powers-that-be that we want no more of their unjust wars and power struggles. That blood will be on us until we realize that we are all human. We are all God's children, whether we chose to believe in Him or not. We all want to love and be loved. We all hurt the same and bleed the same color. We live in an imperfect world where there will always be evil men and bad ideas that hurt us, but there also more still that desire peace. 

  So many of us claim to believe in forgiveness until it comes to our country, our children. I am not saying that we have no right to self-defense. I'm just asking if that's what we are really doing. 

  

Setting the Record Straight

  April is Autism Awareness Month, and for those who may not yet know, my oldest son Solomon is on what is known as the Autism Spectrum. The Spectrum includes things like classic autism, high functioning autism, Asperger's, Sensory Processing Disorder, ODD, Rhett Syndrome, and sometimes ADD and ADHD. 

  Now the bible of pyschology - the DSM-IV- has been "updated" to the DSM-V and no longer includes the term Asperger's Syndrome, but for all intents and purposes, that is still Solomon's diagnosis, along with ADHD, ODD, and possibly SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). As if that wasn't enough acronyms to swallow, he once had OCD in the mix as well. 

  Asperger's is a developmental disorder. It effects the way Solomon's brain processes information. It also effects his social awareness/communication, as well as his sense of coordination. This is not the same as just being a shy, nerdy or awkward person. Although he can come across as that. And while he is extremely intelligent, and many a genius has been thought to have Asperger's, he is not like Dustin Hoffman in the movie Rain Man. 

  Because Solomon does not act like the often Hollywood portrayed definition of autism, this has often caused problems and confusion with others. Particular people who don't spend a lot of time with him on a normal basis. He does have "mild" Asperger's, and is on medication to help with the ADHD, anxiety and OCD, so people don't usually see him in a full-on episode either. Solomon has also gotten a great deal of help from working with social workers who specialize in developmental behavioral disorders. But anyone who spends any good amount of time with him can see that he is different. 

  So what's the problem? Well, for starters there are the comments that do get back to me, said mostly by people who see him a handful times of year at best. Comments like, "He doesn't seem that different.", or "I think he's just a normal child. He just needs more (fill in the blank with discipline, attention, etc.)" Oh, and there are my favorites, "There is nothing wrong with that child. They've just been pressured into a diagnosis by the school who just wants more money.", and "They want to put all children on drugs.". They being the evil school system of course. Now, I have my own issues with the school system and the over use child drug prescription, but that is a discussion for a different time. 

 Then there are those who are just genuinely trying to be helpful. While parents like us sincerely do appreciate other's support and concern, asking us if we've thought about trying fill-in-the-blank-again first, is kind of insulting and frustrating. Do you think that medicating my child was really the first and only thing I wanted to do? Despite popular ignorant opinions, what my child takes does not make him a zombie nor an obedient robot who all of a sudden listens to every command given. We do not medicate him simply because we don't want to deal with him. We have worked on his diet, and he also takes several natural supplements, but these have yet proven to be an effective replacement for his medication. 

 Asperger's is not something that Solomon will simply "grow out of", and it frustrates me when people say stuff like that. Not because I don't want my child to have a "normal" life, but because it's part of who he is and I love him as he is, quirks and all. Awareness isn't always about looking for a cure. We didn't seek a diagnosis to cure him of himself, but rather to understand him. This is not cancer. It's about learning and understanding. It's not that I don't think we should look into prevention and other forms of help for people who have it. I whole-heartedly support that. But finding a cause isn't going to help my Solomon, or the other tens of thousands who are on the Spectrum, right now. Understanding and loving him is what will help him. He will one day grow up. And hopefully one day he will start his own life as a man on his own. He will hopefully one day have a better understanding of people, and get better at controlling himself and his reactions. But even then - even if he acts "normal" enough to fool people - Asperger's will still be a part of him. Just like our own peculiuraties and idiosyncrasies are a part of us. 

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 If anyone has any questions about Asperger's or autism, please feel free to comment, message or call me. I may not have the answer, but hey, we can find out together. Mike and I are still learning all the time.